advice for married couples

what is working for you and your partner? i got married the first time because i was raised catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. you are absolutely not going to be gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this ‘happily ever after’ bullshit is just setting people up for failure. we all know that guy (or girl) who dropped out of school, sold their car, and spent the money to elope on the beaches of tahiti. every day you wake up and decide to love your partner and your life—the good, the bad and the ugly. and the only thing that can save you and your partner, that can cushion you both to the hard landing of human fallibility, is an unerring respect for one another. because without that self-respect, you will not feel worthy of the respect afforded by your partner—you will be unwilling to accept it and you will find ways to undermine it. a couple years ago, i discovered that i was answering many of these relationship emails with the same response: “take this email you just sent to me, print it out, and show it to your partner. understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is not the job of your spouse. have the courage to be who you are, and most importantly, let your partner be who they are. the answer comes from something hundreds and hundreds of successful couples said in their emails: be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together.

and that is why you need to make sure you and your partner know how to fight. when people talk about the necessity for “good communication” all of the time, this is what they should mean: be willing to have the uncomfortable talks; be willing to have the fights; say the ugly things and get it all out in the open. on the other hand, refusing to compromise is just as much of a disaster, because you turn your partner into a competitor (“i win, you lose”). you and your partner only have so many fucks to give, make sure you both are saving them for the real things that matter. you don’t want to wake up 20 years later and be staring at a stranger because life broke the bonds you formed before the shitstorm started. talk to your partner about those things when it comes to dividing and conquering all the crap that has to get done in life. you’re sharing a life together, so you need to plan and account for each person’s needs and resources. you need to be the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. be patient and focus on the many aspects of her that still exist that caused you to fall in love in the first place. when kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. go to counseling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. become a subscriber to the subtle art school and get all that extra cool stuff.

burt’s advice: “try not to fight like high schoolers—don’t play games, give the silent treatment, argue over the same things over and over, or bring up past issues in every subsequent fight. in fact, a marriage stays fresh when partners have separate interests and relationships.” michelle’s advice: “roll with the punches. having your own interests will give you a new perspective and things to talk about with your partner.” ray’s advice: “i met myrtle when we were both in high school and except for the six months when myrt decided she needed to see other guys, we have been together.

you need to work on building that trust from day one and never lose sight of how precious it is to a marriage.”  amy’s advice: “having separate interests is key to a happy marriage. i sing in a band and often, leading up to a performance, have endless back-to-back practices. the first and third thursdays of the month we date each other, the second and fourth thursdays is our time to be alone or be with friends or family.”

assume the best of one another stop stonewalling ; communicate respectfully always be flexible ; curiosity saves couples be willing to grow and do not complain about your partner to anyone. love them for who they are. make love even when you are not in the mood. trust each other. give each other the “try to listen to one another. don’t go to bed angry. cooperate in taking care of family affairs. know how to say you’re wrong about something., relationship advice for couples, relationship advice for couples, marriage advice for newlyweds speech, marriage advice for the bride to be, old fashioned marriage advice, funny.

1. choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. 2. always answer the phone when your husband/wife is it’s funny wedding advice for the couple who just got married, yet it has a meaningful side. “love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. family. fun. laughs. sex. if you don’t, marriage advice from old couples, parents advice to newlyweds, godparents advice to newlyweds, cute advice for newlyweds. 25 pieces of marriage advice from couples who’ve been together 25accept and allow. imagine life without your partner. crack jokes. don’t be so damn stubborn. choose your own adventure. do the work. you won’t always be on the same page. bite your tongue. 17 perfect pieces of advice for married couples from marriedmanage your expectations. never assume, ask. remember to always say “i love you” and “thank you.” continually fall in love with your partner. don’t be so quick to judge. don’t give 50 percent, give 100 percent.

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