there is no law that says you have to date for a certain amount of time. there are a few things in general that help the process to be focused on the goal. there is obviously a lot more to say about this topic, but i think it is much easier to focus on developing the spiritual and emotional side of a relationship when the couple is not focused on the physical side of things. but you wanted to know how you will know that he is the one. she got engaged, telling me “sometimes you need to hold your nose and jump.” she felt that she had all the facts that she needed to make an educated decision.
how do you get from that advice, to being ready to make a decision? at some point, you will g-d willing realize that this real person sitting in front of you is the one you want in your life going forward. this person is the one who you feel safe with, like your best self with, who you want to build a life and future with. at the end of the day, any happy marriage is going to take work, compromise and partnership, but it certainly helps to start off with a sense that you have found the one you want to do that work with. rebbetzin chaya believes strongly in a recipe for living that combines passionate commitment to torah with common-sense and a sense of humor.
while the dating approach in most segments of the frum community is intended to ensure a thorough assessment of suitability between two people, there are important areas of compatibility which tend to be overlooked. this may include intelligence, but should also address general interests, the type of things they each enjoy doing or feel is important to do, use of free time, and what each finds interesting, amusing, important, boring or a waste of time. the challenge, of course, is in determining the type of person with whom one is likely to be compatible. most people appreciate that these qualities are the central basis of a healthy marriage, and sometimes assume that others wanting to get married will have these qualities.
is there anything parents, teachers, or mentors can do to help those dating do a better job in determining whether their date has the appropriate character and whether they are emotionally compatible? all of a sudden, he abruptly stood up and said that he really had to go and was going to get the car. this robs the individual of the opportunity to see what it feels like to be in a relationship with this person, and to learn about their emotional compatibility and their date’s character on a much deeper level. was she interested in your happiness and concerned for your satisfaction in the relationship or was there a lack sensitivity to your needs? the depth that is necessary to make this kind of lifelong decision can only be attained when the people involved have the opportunity to relate to each other with a measure of depth.
singles should keep near mind that life consists more of mundane discussions: are opinions respected? do the dating parties feel safe and encouraged to express i was given very wise advice that i have given over many times: you don’t have to decide on any one date whether you want to marry the person dating wisdom and advice; the jewish way in finding one’s spouse., aish dating advice, aish dating advice, shidduch dating questions, shidduch tips, dating wisdom.
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