if you’re married, you know the value of knowing how to communicate with your spouse without fighting. john gottman, a prominent researcher, and clinician of 40+ years likens the emotion of anger to the tip of an iceberg that signals the presence of primary emotions lurking beneath the surface. repressed feelings often lead to anger that gets activated to protect raw, vulnerable emotions beneath the anger. eventually, george and alice learned to look beneath the anger and identify the emotions that their anger was protecting. instead of a discussion, they make demands, coerce, or threaten their spouse to get what they want because they feel uncomfortable or don’t know how to communicate their needs and emotions. their battle scars stick around in the form of resentment and bitterness that prevent good communication.
1. try to express your feelings before they start to poison you and your relationship. don’t take sensitive information your spouse shared with you in a vulnerable moment when you felt close, and turn around and use it against him/her. once you become aware, the logical next step is to gain an understanding of their negative impact on your relationship. knowing how to communicate without fighting will help to reduce negativity and tension and lead to a happier marriage. conflict is a necessary and essential component of even the most harmonious relationships. if you want to learn more about needs and wants, and how to negotiate with your spouse to get what you need, in our book, you’ll find practical exercises to help you get started.
most people wouldn’t know how they should regulate their speech for the best results, yet communicating well is huge if you want to be happily married. your marriage is supposed to be the happiest part of your life. you need to be aware of your spouse’s needs for your love. marriage is meant to be a constant stream of happiness; honestly. if just one of you wants to turn things around at the moment, which is normal, you can do it on your own. i say you should use any unhappiness in your marriage as a reason to address the underlying foundational structure of your marriage. “honey, there is something upsetting me, and it’s not your fault, i just need to talk to you about it.
your husband is there for you to love, honor, serve, and protect you, to the best of his ability. the desire to have a great marriage is never fulfilled by expressing what you know will be received as hostility. but you need to keep in mind he is your husband, and he is slipping. my husband is very poetic and uses a lot of words to communicate. so it is better to work on having a better marriage without saying anything, and see how he responds. it is not for her to have to tell you what is wrong. this is the man you promised to love and cherish, not criticize and demand.
enhance your communication if you and your spouse have a disagreement, explain what’s bothering you in a non-accusatory manner. but sometimes, discretion is try this; as your husband speaks to you, no matter how trivial, stop what you are doing and look at him while opening your heart. see if you can feel him, more effective communication requires listening to learn something new. it means talking about yourself, instead of telling the other person what they think or feel., fun ways to communicate with your spouse, how to start communicating with your spouse again, how to communicate with your spouse without fighting, i don’t know how to communicate with my husband.
as you communicate with your spouse, listen to the words they use, pay attention to their tone and pitch of voice, and watch their expressions, what causes lack of communication in marriage, rules for communication in marriage, rules for communication in marriage. communication is key: 6 tips for communicating with your spousevalidate your spouse’s feelings. use i statements when communicating with your spouse. spend quality time together. laugh often. show appreciation. express your affection. take the next step. tips for improving the effectiveness of communication in your relationship:be intentional about spending time together. use more u201ciu201d statements and less u201cyouu201d statements. be specific. avoid mind-reading. express negative feelings constructively. listen without being defensive. freely express positive feelings.
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