here’s what they said, and why it’s helped them stay together for the long run. but i realized i loved him, and it was a waste of time to dwell on them. and when it’s just the two of us, we’re usually cracking up. the key is to know yourself and what you want before you pledge yourself to a partnership. since the term ‘i love you’ is so confusing and vague it makes sense to define what that means to both of you, even if you’re total opposites.” – monte, 64, florida (married 40 years) “and that’s okay. other times, one of us wants to get a coffee and run errands on a saturday.
you can take the tests and stuff to figure out what each other’s love language is. a marriage is the same idea, and it’s for the rest of your lives. and because of that, we find our way back to each other every time.” – leanne, 49, nevada (married 25 years) “one of the things my wife and i love about each other is our respective passions. it’s making sure to give each other a kiss before you leave in the morning and as soon as you get home at night. but the mind can play tricks on you and make you start to wonder. you can apologize just for the sake of wanting to end a disagreement and move on. if you can accept that you’ll have stressors in your life, you can train yourself to decide which ones you’ll let affect you and your marriage.
what is working for you and your partner? i got married the first time because i was raised catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. you are absolutely not going to be gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this ‘happily ever after’ bullshit is just setting people up for failure. we all know that guy (or girl) who dropped out of school, sold their car, and spent the money to elope on the beaches of tahiti. every day you wake up and decide to love your partner and your life—the good, the bad and the ugly. and the only thing that can save you and your partner, that can cushion you both to the hard landing of human fallibility, is an unerring respect for one another. because without that self-respect, you will not feel worthy of the respect afforded by your partner—you will be unwilling to accept it and you will find ways to undermine it. a couple years ago, i discovered that i was answering many of these relationship emails with the same response: “take this email you just sent to me, print it out, and show it to your partner. understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is not the job of your spouse. have the courage to be who you are, and most importantly, let your partner be who they are. the answer comes from something hundreds and hundreds of successful couples said in their emails: be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together.
and that is why you need to make sure you and your partner know how to fight. when people talk about the necessity for “good communication” all of the time, this is what they should mean: be willing to have the uncomfortable talks; be willing to have the fights; say the ugly things and get it all out in the open. on the other hand, refusing to compromise is just as much of a disaster, because you turn your partner into a competitor (“i win, you lose”). you and your partner only have so many fucks to give, make sure you both are saving them for the real things that matter. you don’t want to wake up 20 years later and be staring at a stranger because life broke the bonds you formed before the shitstorm started. talk to your partner about those things when it comes to dividing and conquering all the crap that has to get done in life. you’re sharing a life together, so you need to plan and account for each person’s needs and resources. you need to be the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. be patient and focus on the many aspects of her that still exist that caused you to fall in love in the first place. when kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. go to counseling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. become a subscriber to the subtle art school and get all that extra cool stuff.
23 damn good pieces of marriage advice ; assume the best of one another stop stonewalling ; communicate respectfully always be flexible. 1. accept and allow 2. imagine life without your partner ; 4. don’t be so damn stubborn 5. choose your own adventure ; 6. do the work 7. you “love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. family. fun. laughs. sex. if you don’t, marriage advice never forget to, marriage advice never forget to, marriage advice quotes, marriage advice funny, marriage advice for the bride to be.
1. choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. love is a commitment, not just a feeling. do not complain about your partner to anyone. love them for who they are. make love even when you are not in the mood. trust each other. give each other the “make sure you still pursue interests and hobbies that make you happy. do not expect your partner to always make you happy. as we mature and, marriage advice from old couples, secret to a happy marriage.
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