i’ve been a couples therapist in california for more than two decades, and in that time i’ve noticed how different couples approach therapy. two are more widely understood: one or both has no interest in therapy; or one or both has interests outside the relationship. if her spouse is not invested in doing the work, he may show up to appointments and talk a good talk, but make no changes at home. the third scenario is one that often happens outside of people’s awareness.
because trauma is stored in a deeper part of the brain, typically talk therapy alone is not the most effective tool to resolve it. both spouses had a parent who, rather than being their caretaker, had been the source of conflict and negative feelings. both were traumatized by the loss and neither could express her feelings in a healthy way. if you’ve been in couples therapy and you feel it hasn’t worked, consider whether one of you is not really interested in changing, whether there is an outside interest interfering, or whether trauma is impacting the relationship. a final consideration for effective couples work is that having the right therapist matters.
if you’ve been going through a major rough patch with your partner and you just haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye, couples counseling may seem like the next step to take. before you choose to go to counseling, it’s important to figure out if it’s really right for your situation. you and your partner both have to put in the work. a good match will make you both feel comfortable, feel seen and heard, and will give you tips that are tailored to your situation.
instead of going into therapy with the mindset of wanting your partner to change, hernandez suggests reflecting on your behaviors in the relationship. to be really successful, it’s important for you both to go into it with open minds and a willingness to make things work. both you and your partner need to be willing to hear each other out so you can understand each other. if you and your partner are equally committed to making necessary changes, a therapist can be helpful.
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marriage counseling will not work when the two partners have different agendas. for example, if one partner is more committed to doing the necessary work than the other is, then counseling is not going to work. if any of the partners is not completely honest, it’s not going to work, either. but does marital therapy work? not nearly as well as it should, researchers say. two years after ending counseling, studies find,, when is couples therapy not worth it, marriage counselors always side with wife, is marriage counseling worth it, i hate couples therapy, living separate during marriage counseling, signs of a good couples therapist, marriage counseling when you want a divorce, marriage counseling what not to say, marriage counseling near me, partner refuses couples counseling.
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